{"id":44,"date":"2011-07-11T19:28:33","date_gmt":"2011-07-12T00:28:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/?p=44"},"modified":"2012-04-22T13:30:53","modified_gmt":"2012-04-22T18:30:53","slug":"hurry-up-or-go-slow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/?p=44","title":{"rendered":"Hurry Up or Go Slow???"},"content":{"rendered":"

The day I officially became separated, I was faced with a
\nmillion choices. While none of them were easy, some
\nwere more obvious to decide than others; guess I need a
\nlawyer now; who can I call to get a referral; guess this
\nmeans we\u2019re not going to the cottage tonight as planned…
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

One in particular I wasn\u2019t sure how to handle:
\ndo I move through this process quick as I can or do I slow
\nit down and inch along?
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It may seem like a funny question to ask yourself, but the
\nreality of it is that when you are plunged headfirst into
\nmonumental life changes there are two immediate reactions.
\nOne is to close up, withdraw and back away from the danger
\nfor a time. And the other is to plunge forward and tackle
\nimmediately what has to be handled. That good ole fight or
\nflight response you always hear about in times of stress.
\nAnd make no bones about it, this is one of the most stressful
\ntimes in your life.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What can further complicate your
\ndecision-making process is\u00a0if you are new to the concept;
\nif your partner is the one who has
\npresented the idea and you are hearing about it for the first time.
\n Or if you even had an inkling, you may still not be thinking,
\n\u201cyup, divorce is the way to go, right here, right now.\u201d
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Just as there are two sides to every marriage and divorce,
\n there are two sides to every decision. As I have taught in
\ncrisis and issues communications courses through the years,
\nyou don\u2019t want to be caught reacting; you want to respond.
\nThe difference is having something thrown at you and
\nimmediately jumping into the fray and reacting, often before
\nyou have all the facts and understand completely what you
\nare facing. Responding means that you have considered
\nwhat is in front of you and evaluated the options and then
\nmade an educated, informed decision about the choice
\nyou are making.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Choosing between reacting and responding can be difficult,
\nespecially if someone else is pressuring you to make a choice,
\nideally the one they want.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So, my house and cottage did not immediately go up for sale
\neven though I recognized that my marriage was in fact over
\nand that ownership of these properties needed to be considered.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I hired a lawyer and figured out what my first steps needed to be.
\nAnd I allowed myself a month and a half to sort through the initial
\ndivorce details. And I recognize now that my separation and divorce
\n actually moved through quite quickly compared to most that I
\nhear about.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The flip side of this is what I have heard from the lawyer of a client
\nrecently: my client is now paying for decisions made, or actually
\nnot made, at the beginning of their process. The consequence of
\ngoing too slow is hurting them today.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s human nature to want to hide our heads and pretend the bad
\nstuff isn\u2019t really happening;
\nthat you can deal with the situation tomorrow.
\nIt\u2019s especially difficult to deal with when you feel as
\nlow and vulnerable <\/span>as you do.\u00a0\u00a0 And it doesn\u2019t matter what
\nside of the divorce equation you <\/span>are on \u2013 it\u2019s still a difficult
\ntime with l<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>ots of <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>emotions involved.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The reality of it is the nasty stuff will still be there tomorrow. And the
\n next day, and next month and next year. And the longer it goes on,
\n the harder and more difficult it becomes. I know of one person who
\n has become frozen with the decisions and nine years later is still
\n no further ahead.
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Change is hard. Recognizing that life has changed forever is hard.
\nSo, if you find yourself facing change and can\u2019t imagine how to deal
\n with it, remind yourself that you are not alone and that there are
\n people \u2013 family, friends, and experts \u2013 that can help you to deal
\n with the details and the change.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The day I officially became separated, I was faced with a million choices. While none of them were easy, some were more obvious to decide than others; guess I need a lawyer now; who can I call to get a referral; guess this means we\u2019re not going to the cottage tonight as planned… One in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,5,4,1],"tags":[19,7,13,20,9,16,21],"class_list":["post-44","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-divorce-details","category-divorce-journey","category-process","category-uncategorized","tag-change","tag-divorce","tag-divorce-details-2","tag-divorce-journey-2","tag-divorce-process","tag-getting-through-divorce","tag-timing-of-divorce"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.divorcedetails.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}